She let the waves crash around her. Water lapped around her ankles and frothed at her thighs. She had stood there so long that the salt in the air clung to her long blonde hair and wrinkled face. Her linen dress danced with the wind. And she stared.
You could feel the static in the sky. A storm was coming. Clouds congregated in grey masses and offerings of water came to her. When she didn’t respond, the payments turned to tears and grew until there seemed to be no difference in volume in the rain and the sea.
They could see the images in her frozen eyes. A round head wih bright yellow curls and big grey eyes, the unearthly plastic tubes funneling liquids that could not have come from the ground, and a thousand dandilions wilting on the counter.
The sky moaned with yearning for the sun. For a month, the sun draped itself in grey, allowing the moon to take over the black of mourning. But not even the moon or the stars could coax light onto the woman’s night and days were already hopeless.
Finally, she moved. The woman reached into her pocket and pulled out a small picture. On it, the only thing recognisable was a sea of yellow. Everything else was blurred by the tears from the heavens. Where she awaited for her mother.
So, again, she stared. This time, she refused to stare ahead at what was coming but stared at the sky. Rain blinded her with sympathy, yet, she squinted and continued to stare. The clouds knew what the woman was looking for; she was awaiting the gaze of her daughter, for her to say that what she was doing was alright. As much as the woman had known she was not going to see beyond her personal group of mourners, she hoped anyway.
With one more small step, she looked away from her audience. She met instead the gaze of death, seducing her further. She took step after step, letting the water climb from her ankles to her thighs until she couldn’t touch the bottom of the sea. She continued to swim further into the sea until the shore was just a distant memory.
And the heavens wept once more.
Please excuse the insane emo-ness. I was regressing back to my middle school days.
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I’m feeling very inspired to write today. I think I’ll try again, even thought I kinda liked my post already today. :P
I have an affinity with nature. I cannot help but find beauty in ever single plant and find peace in gardens or the woods. Nothing comes close to the ecstacy I feel with the smell of the earth around me and the feeling of grass between my toes. Wind is my favorite song and my favorite artist is mother earth.
When I think of you, I think of the tallest tree with low branches. I can climb to the sky and feel the wind in my hair and see everything around me. I’m not used to feeling this tall because for the longest time, I was the smallest thing alive. Now, I’m not alive anymore. I’m invincible. You make me feel invincible.
You have become my forest. You’re concern has created paths of trodden down grass. Your support became sturdy branches that support my weight. Your care are the shade that protects me from both strong sunlight and rain. Your love makes everything alive. You love makes me alive.
I am a terrible keeper upper of this blog thing. I mean, it’s been how long since my last post? I really couldn’t tell you. The computer I normally use has imploded and I haven’t been able to function in the internet world without it. Thank you new followers that I have just found today! :D I really appreciate you for following me and I haven’t looked at my email in a while so I haven’t checked what has all happened there. So, here I am writing down something that may be good, may be bad, just something to help me organise ideas, and create something I haven’t before. I really hope you enjoy!
Judgement. A single word that has such a powerful effect on the teenage population. I can’t imagine a single person out there who doesn’t think to themselves, “No one understands me.” Everyone is afraid of being pinned as anything. Acceptance is the only thing they want. And it’s usually something they will never recieve.
It haunts you with every thought that crosses your mind. You think, “I’m fat.” or “I’m ugly” and vanity strangles you to tears. Then you stay up at night thinking “I’m just not good enough,” and morning is the only thing that keeps you going. Yes, everyone seems to have a side to them that screams, “I’d rather die than live like this.” It’s life, and it you’re the only one that makes it worth while or a pain in the arse.
To keep you sane, I’ve come up with a list of things that can prevent you from feeling such feelings. A series of balms one might say.
1. Never over achieve or not care. Everyone is jealous and calls the smart kids ‘knowitalls’ and whatnot and the under achieving gets you the title of lazy bum. So, if you’re neither, what are they gonna do? Call you a normal student?
2. Don’t do anything out of the ordinary. No one can judge you when there isn’t anything to judge. Following trends is what every normal human being does. If everyone likes it, you ought to as well. You obviously can’t beat them, so join them.
3. Stop interacting with people. Living a solitary life means no one can possibly hurt you. No one knows any of your secrets so they can’t spread them. Lies don’t exist when you don’t have someone telling you them. And you can’t fall in love when there’s no one there to fall for. Hermits have it made, right?
4. Never speak. No one can judge your opinions or what you say when nothing comes out.
5. Never think. Without thought, you have no opinion. Without opinions, there is no one to tell you that you are wrong or stupid or anything of that nature.
6. Never feel. Nothing can hurt you if you never feel.
So, here you are. A list of remedies for those who don’t think they can live the way they are anymore. Follow these rules and nothing can touch you. But can you live like this?
I apologise for the wait. My computer decided to contract a virus and become stupid. :/ But here is a short poem for you.
There is a small knot
In my stomach
Just balled up and turning.
I call it
Uneasiness
And it comes from
Uncertainty
And it comes only one time a year
And that time is
Auditions.
Terrible, I know, but its the best I can do.
I cannot help but come to haunt you. I am
Mere memory at it’s finest.
Just a transparent dream of what once was.
Do you even see what I truely am?
I buzz around your head and cloud you vision,
and make sleeping a terrible chore.
Becauase you know what will awake
Once you are sound asleep.
I was once a consious being,
I lived and then I died
Within seconds of the other.
Not ceasing to exist but not living on.
So, I dwell in your memory.
Sometimes fresh as a daisy,
Sometimes stale as air,
But I will always be there.
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Everyday was the same for me once I graduated and got a steady job. My small apartment was minimally decorated with limited inhabitation. I was a solitary person most of my life, prefering the characters in books over the characters of life. I am a creature of habit who seldom tries to break my usual norm.
I woke up this morning. I stared at the ceiling for one hour straight before I even realised that I was awake. It wasn’t that I was depressed or anything of the sort, I just didn’t feel the need to wake up. After about another hour of fighting to actually get out of bed, I finally did. My sweat pants welcomed the air and the cool breeze.
I went about my daily routine. Toaster waffles for breakfast, an hour on my latest book, enough of the news to see the weather, getting dressed in jeans and some type of shirt, hair, then off to whatever the day brings for me. I never knew that this day could possiblly change my life.
I always avoid the grocery store at night, on saturdays, and sundays after the church crowd gets out. This sunday, after letting time slip past me, I couldn’t beat the crowd. I was tousled between large women grabbing fresh produce to get rid of their weight or trying to reach their favorite snackcakes, men pushing carts like they didn’t know how to drive, and children screaming for chocolate milk instead of two percent. A headache was already creeping in and getting ready to settle into my frontal lobe. I got to the last aisle that I needed to go to. The chip aisle.
I go to the chip aisle last for one reason only. I hate crushed chips. Get them last, you’ll inevitably get a bag of broken chips. The last bag was on the top shelf where only giants who craved barbacue could reach them. As my hand reached towards the sky, another hand quickly snatched the one out of my hands.
In utter outrage, I looked over to see two shining green eyes staring back at me. I instantly saw the smile in his eyes before it played on his face. Then I saw a bag of my favorite chips handed to me instead of me having to reach for them as usual. I smiled back, without saying a word, and grabbed the chips out of his hands. Before I could say anything, he left, taking his cart with him. On the top of the bag was a card fold neatly. As I unfolded it, the name Johnathan Marcus glistened in gold writing, with a home number hastily scratched at the bottom.
I continued with my day. I opened the bag of chips as I channel surfed and found a lovely show. Even the chips seemed to taste better. Before sleeping, I tacked the business card to my bulletin board.
The next day, I awoke without being a small bit exhausted. I climbed out of bed and went about my daily routine. Shower, toaster waffle, some time to read,
For some reason, I felt better than I did before. It wasn’t that I was unhappy or didn’t feel decent the day before, it was more that today felt a little better than the rest.
I went to work at 8:30 and nothing was different. I clicked away at my computer at my desk until the hours slipped by and noon came around the corner. Instead of staying in for lunch, a went out like I normally do on a monday. Instead of walking over to the closest deli for a ham and cheese, I decided to roam the streets of downtown and see what all was out here.
After about ten minutes of my hour lunch break, I stopped inside a small boutique. Nothing in there was anything like what I would normally wear. All the color was bright and designed in ways to stand out in any crowd. I was about to walk out when a flash of blue caught my eye. I stopped to check out what it could have been.
It was a cerulean dress, gathered at the hip so that the bottom picked up at one side. The neck line plunged into a deep V and there wasn’t a single sleeve. It was something I would have never picked for myself. But something made me pick up my size. I paid 75 dollars for that dress. On the way back to work, I picked up my normal ham and cheese, a smile playing across my face.
I went home and went to sleep.
I woke up without a single trace of exhaustion in my system. I jumped out of bed and took a longer shower than normal, enjoying the steam rolling around my head and the water beating on my back. I skipped out on my reading and made scrambled eggs. I hadn’t had scrambled eggs since I was six. They were the most delicious thing I had eaten in the longest time.
As I reflected back, I found the reason for this apparent happiness. Now, I didn’t know what else would come from my minor explorations. I got the number of some random guy and found something I would have never found if I remained in my current state of being.
With this thought in mind, I picked up my phone and dialed the number scribbled on the card I got only two days ago. I couldn’t help but imagine what would come next.
The End.
